


Ice Powers and Midlife Neuroses

by JeanjacketCarf



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 4x09, CC Jitters, Coffee, Deep Conversations About Moral Complicity, Don't run, Explicit Language, Gen, Harry curses guys, One Shot, cursing, he's also mad no one talks to him, pre-episode speculation, right before caitlin gets kidnapped by amunet black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 23:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12899265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanjacketCarf/pseuds/JeanjacketCarf
Summary: “Snow,” he cut her off, placing a hand lightly on her forearm before she could escape.She paused and turned back to look at him. He shifted from one foot to another, eyes on the tiled floor. It gave her a good view of his new haircut, the usual black floof trimmed down significantly.“Yes?” She prompted.“Do you want to sit down for a bit?” He finally muttered, still not really looking at her. “It’s been awhile since we talked.”Caitlin and Harry run into each other at Jitters. Harry wants to talk. Caitlin doesn't, especially not about last spring.Based on pictures from 4x09 "Don't Run". Takes place right before Caitlin gets kidnapped by Amunet Black.





	Ice Powers and Midlife Neuroses

They locked eyes across Jitters, both of them unzipping their heavy coats as they came in through opposing doors. Caitlin winced and dropped her head. She really didn’t want to see anyone from work. Sometimes it got to be too much work, towing the line, keeping everything frosty out of her demeanor, trying to be the old Caitlin Snow all the time when she wasn’t anymore.

Sometimes she just liked to flow through the world like an anonymous nobody. Tour through the shops, grab a cup of coffee, have no one look at her sideways. But Harry’s eyes didn’t leave her. He watched her with an intensity like he was expecting her. Maybe he was. It wasn’t difficult to find anyone on the team, they made sure of that after too many kidnappings. Maybe he came here just to see her. She couldn’t exactly turn around and leave though. She was trapped if only by manners.

They met in the line.

“Snow.” He dipped his head in deference. It was his customary greeting like there was nothing strange about them running into each other, at a coffee shop, at night, when Harry hardly ever went outside. 

“So, uh, are you getting coffee?” She asked because what else was she supposed to say. 

“No, I’m grabbing pizza to bring back to all my friends you don’t think I have.” He looked around, spread out his arms and gave her a smile that said he was laughing at her. They were both in line, to buy coffee.

She huffed and looked away but couldn’t help the blush that crept across her face. 

“Right. Yeah. Sorry. What else would you be doing?”

He ordered and lingered by the counter, watching as she paid for a Kid Flash. She wondered for a second if she should sent Wally a Snapchat of it. Would that be too forward? Would he even care? She watched his story while he was in Blue Valley but they never exchanged snaps. She decided against it. It would probably be weird. 

Harry got his coffee right away because he only drank it black but he stayed hovering at her shoulder. She glanced down at his mug.

“You know we have a coffee machine at Star, right? I only pay for it here because I like it fancy sometimes.”

“Ramon told me I don’t have a life,” he shrugged and took a long slurping sip, the kind that Cisco did to drive him crazy. “I can’t help but think that sitting inside an amateur imitation of my own masterpiece that my daughter kicked me out of because I’m too cheap to buy coffee for myself, doesn’t constitute as living.”  
“So are you going to join that bowling league?”

The barista handed over Caitlin’s drink and she stepped away from the counter, eyes seeking out the exit.

“Right and drown myself in midlife neuroses,” Harry scoffed.

Caitlin didn’t bother to mention that midlife neurosis sounded like a perfect description of him.

“Well, are you heading back-”

“Snow,” he cut her off, placing a hand lightly on her forearm before she could escape. 

She paused and turned back to look at him. He shifted from one foot to another, eyes on the tiled floor. It gave her a good view of his new haircut, the usual black floof trimmed down significantly.

“Yes?” She prompted. 

“Do you want to sit down for a bit?” He finally muttered, still not really looking at her. “It’s been awhile since we talked.”

Her eyes went wide.

“Oh! Of course, Harry, sure.” He was so anxious there didn’t seem to be any other way to react. 

He nodded gratefully.

They chose a booth over in the corner by a golden artificial Christmas tree. Caitlin wondered what he could possibly have to say. Probably it had something to do with Jesse. Harry always assumed she knew something about parenting or that she could understand better because she was a girl, never mind that Caitlin was hopeless with both kids and feelings. 

Harry stared down into the depths of his mug. He ordered for here, she ordered to go.

He took a deep breath and fixed her with his blue eyes.

“None of you ever called me. You told me about Savitar but no one said a word about Frost.” He kept his voice low so they wouldn’t he overheard but it didn’t cut down on his intensity. It took her back for a second.

She hadn’t expected that. On some level, she hadn’t thought Harry would even care. 

She sipped her own drink, enjoying the hot rush of caffeine even though it was too late for it.

“An oversight. You were busy and on another earth. We were busy. It just didn’t come up.”

“You died.” He leaned forward, emphatic. “You died and a fucking supervillain had you running around doing his dirty work. Then, you ran off and started working for another one and nobody bothered to fucking call me. I was just at home thinking everything was all hunky dorey in the Snow camp.”

Caitlin honestly didn’t know what to say. He was mad but not at her or at least not about what he should have been. He talked like she didn’t have a choice in the matter, like those were all things that happened to her instead of things she did. She was surprised by the spike of anger that came through her too. Maybe it wasn’t warranted but she couldn’t help herself. Frost rose up, not all the way but she came closer to breaching the surface. The air around them chilled slightly.

“What did you want me to do, Harry? Call you and say ‘hey, I’m considering killing all my friends, what do you think?’ I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to know.”

“I expected you to ask for help when you were losing your mind.” He crossed his arms, practically pouting. “Are you telling me that was all you? You, in cold blood, wanted them dead? That there’s no difference between you and Frost besides a Cisco-approved name?”

“No! Or maybe, partially. She’s me or, at least, a part of me. I didn’t plan it, I didn’t want it but I did.” She was whispering harshly across the table. She needed him to understand. It wasn’t her but it was still her fault. “I was angry and it was easy to blame them. It was easy to accept Savitar’s offer to never be hurt or scared again. That’s how I felt.”

“Except Savitar’s gone now and Frost hasn’t tried to kill anyone. In fact, it seems like she listens to the team pretty well.” For some reason, he was turning this into a debate.

“I don’t blame them anymore so she doesn’t either. I know who’s fault it all is.” She shook her head. “It was me who went to work for Amunet, not Frost. Actually, she hated it. She’s not really the bad one, I’m starting to realize.”

Harry reached out and covered her hand with his own.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself. You were scared.”

“I’m always scared these days.” Caitlin pulled her hand away and cradled it with her other one. “I’ve been scared my whole life. It’s no excuse.”  
He leaned back looking offended.

“Fine,” he sounded petulant like a child. “It’s your fault. You’re a terrible person and Killer Frost is actually the good one. Whatever. You still should have told me. I would have wanted to be there. I- I care about you, I guess. You and Ramon and Allen and the Wests. You’re the only people who've ever given a shit about me. I’d like to, I suppose…” He trailed off, rubbing at the back of his head, eyes fixed on a spot over her left shoulder. 

Caitlin watched him. The man with the face of her old mentor. The man who looked exactly like the man she helped put in the ground. He knew what it was like to disappoint the people who cared about him, to hurt them without meaning to, even to hurt people knowing exactly what he was doing. Harrison Wells let his particle accelerator explode because he was too blinded by hubris to see that there could be flaw in the design. He knew that it created metahumans but he refused to admit it to the public. He chose to secretly steal Barry’s speed rather than tell the team about Zoom’s blackmail. She remembered his confession, Joe punching him in the face. She wondered if his ruined reputation was another reason he had fled Earth 2. 

All those years ago they forgave him because it was the right thing to do. She had so much compassion then. Where did it all go?

“Nevermind, it’s not important,” he muttered into his coffee cup. 

She took pity on him.

“You mean you want to get the opportunity to give a shit about us?” A smile quirked at the corner of her mouth despite herself.

He nodded.

“Exactly. Give me a chance. I’m trying to be better at it. You want tips on how not to be douchebag? Ramon’s helping me write a book on it.”

“Really? He’s never helped me with that.”

Harry smiled.

“He likes you too much, he doesn’t think you’re a douchebag.”

“But we know better?” Caitlin laughed. 

“Of course.”

They clinked cups, ceramic against cardboard.  
“So what were you doing getting coffee in the middle of the night, Dr. Snow?”

Caitlin blushed.

“Oh, I’m trying to buy Cisco something for Christmas but he’s impossible to shop for.”

“Wow, me too,” Harry said surprised. “I should have just asked him what he wanted.”

“But that would imply you cared, you were getting him a present, thinking about it in advance, and wanted him to like it. Which, of course, the great Harry Wells could never do.”

He stretched his arms over his head in the classic Wells stressed pose.

“Yes, exactly. You might know me better than I thought, Snow.” There was a warmth of affection in his voice.

Caitlin smiled brighter. This was easy. This was almost normal. Maybe they should start a support group for the morally incompetent.

Which is, of course, when Amunet Black and her fake British accent decided to blow up the front entrance of Jitters.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> If you liked it please leave a kudos or a comment because I crave validation.


End file.
